This is So Chic, Very Chic, PAPER’s examination of Bravo’s sprawling cohort of fashion obsessives. From haute couture to TJ Maxx, they’ve literally worn it all. Sometimes they stunt, sometimes they turn the look, and sometimes they burn holes in retinas my ophthalmologist says might never heal.
If ostrich feathers have a million haters I’m one of them. If ostrich feathers have one hater it’s me. If ostrich feathers have zero haters I have died. If the world is against ostrich feathers I am with the world, if the world is for ostrich feathers I am against the world. It’s literally that serious.
A memo seemingly went out ahead of the spring lineup at Bravo, instructing cast and extras to trim every garment in their closet with ostrich feathers. It’s like a bad reboot of The Leftovers on The Roku Channel where two percent of the world’s ostriches disappeared overnight. Except instead of a multi-season mystery culminating in a historic Carrie Coon monologue about grief, all we got out of it were some bad lingerie sets and dresses with frayed stitching.
Tempering my frustration around the subject has been difficult, what with everyone walking around looking like a character actress in an ensemble comedy from the ‘90s. Tempering my frustrations when watching The Real Housewives of Atlanta has been absolutely impossible, like that brief period last year when the dark alliance of The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City, New Jersey, and Orange County all invested heavily in animal prints and brown leather.
Shall we free some prehistoric big birds in the meantime?
The Real Housewives of Atlanta
Drew Sidora
It’s like everywhere I look on this show there’s ostrich feathers. Everyone, at some point, decided to dress like Jennifer Coolidge and her cohort of guest star comedic actresses back in the day. I’ve decided I look ridiculous moaning about it every week, but did this cast get under the table money from the ostrich feather lobby? Is Big Textile in danger? Was SHEIN in on the deal, hoping to stuff its coffers before the tariffs hit? I need real answers.
Angela Oakley
Doesn’t this lady look fabulous in orange? I wish the dress was something to write sonnets about, because Angela really does look incredible here. But if anything will stop me from purchasing another little rag of spandex for the club, it’s seeing them worn in excess on The Real Housewives. Thank you for service, Mrs. Oakley! Please give your makeup artist and hair stylist a raise.
Shamea Morton
Speaking of married women, here’s Mrs. Labels debuting her theme for the week: Balmain logo tops. What’s funny here is that the Balmain brand name has the same typography as the James Mae t-shirt. Not a knock on Kristen Doute’s personal fashion line, just so I’m clear. It’s a knock on Balmain for reasons that can only be described as “just malicious, just gay faggotry.”
This top looks like the title card on a movie produced by A24 starring a front-facing comedy video internet personality in their debut director slash lead actress role. It’s a feminist retelling of the “Humpty Dumpty” nursery rhyme set in the Scottish countryside on a bachelorette trip for a front-facing comedy video internet personality.
Cynthia Bailey
Clear on the other end of the rack (the Nordstrom Rack) is Cynthia Bailey and her lake house. I just bought a slip dress I intend to wear to a film festival gala this weekend at the Rack, in case my tone feels pointed. I’m simply remarking on the geographic location of this lace blazer.
Summer House
Double Double Toil and Trouble
Lexi and her collection of lip liners has definitely secured a second season on television. Bravo has thoroughly taken notice of the audience engagement around the topic of her fake relationship with Jesse Solomon and secured a multi-season deal with first look spin-off options with the entire Woods family. But that doesn’t mean I have to sit idly by while this spooky sister combo shambles about on camera. Have there ever been less charismatic individuals so thoroughly documented on Bravo? That’s a fate usually reserved for avid viewers of The Bachelor, or the spinoff about a Mormon mega-family on Discovery+.
Amanda Batula and Kyle Cook
Remember when TikTok tried to invent bloomers overnight? Here’s one of the victims of the algorithm, as depicted via an actress in a recreation scene from the Netflix documentary about the kerfuffle.
Some Lady and Lindsay Hubbard
The generational divide is always a source of amusement on Summer House, especially as the age gaps widen in the house. While Lexi is in daytime lingerie with a slicked back bun and brown lipliner, Lindsay is in an oversized t-shirt and blazer with a loose bun and oversized sunglasses
The Valley
Nia Sanchez
Nia’s been through a lot this week! Her friends bared their fangs at her for the first time, but certainly not the last. Her husband is a nightmare in sheep’s clothing and has the show’s viewers completely tricked by the look of things. I’ve also received word she is, in fact, moving to Santa Clarita. But despite the maelstrom of chaos and confusion, she looks beautiful. It’s important to hold onto the small things.
Kristen Doute
We’ve seen some troubling uses of gold lamé on the couches this season, our most recent offender being Michelle. This dress is no better, and even more confusingly constructed than Michelle’s previous American Apparel by way of H&M business casual castoff. I’m never really a fan of these necklines that work on the same principle as a triangle bikini, but like a triangle bikini, at least her breasts look enormous. I learned from Nia — we must hold onto the small things!
Photos courtesy of Bravo/NBCUniversal